Tips for Parents

 

The stress/trauma to coping trajectory

Stress / Trauma and “Disrupted States”

Our MIND, FEELINGS and BODY function well when they are in a normal state. Examples of normal:

  • MIND - concentrate, problem solve, follow directions

  • FEELINGS - feel safe, feel engaged with others

  • BODY - normal breathing, able to move

Stress and trauma disrupts the normal state of MIND, FEELINGS and BODY. Examples of “disrupted states”

  • MIND - difficulty concentrating

  • FEELINGS - struggle to manage fear

  • BODY - hyperventilate (rapid breathing) or become immobilized (freeze)

  • ALL disruptions are normal responses to stress and trauma.

This MIND, FEELINGS and BODY disruption causes a cascade of cognitive, emotional and physiological issues with functional impact

  • MIND - if we are having difficulty concentrating

    • we can’t complete a task during a crisis event, e.g., compliance with an emergency directive

    • we can’t complete a task at school or work

  • FEELINGS - when we can’t complete a task, we can feel frustration, a sense of failure, low self-esteem

  • BODY -  failure to complete a task can cause panic: rapid breathing and/or to inability to move (freeze)

These MIND, FEELINGS, and BODY disruptions vary in configuration, intensity and duration. They have implications for our sense of self, our relationships, our school, work and community functioning. This “disrupted state” naturally seeks a return to normal. This is the COPING Response.

The COPING Response

Being “disrupted” is painful, in all domains: MIND, FEELINGS and BODY. We are wired to resolve this “disruption”, to relieve the pain, to return to our normal, functional state. This is our COPING response. This sequence is the stress/trauma to coping trajectory.

Healthy and Unhealthy Coping

There are two ways that human beings cope: healthy (adaptive) and unhealthy (maladaptive).

  • Healthy coping: increases functioning, reduces pain, promotes socially appropriate behavior

  • Unhealthy coping: decreases functioning, increases pain, promotes socially inappropriate behavior

Stress and trauma throw a child into confusion - their mind, feelings and body are disrupted and they don’t understand what is happening. Toxic stress can cause them to feel isolated, worthless, powerless. Acute trauma can cause them to suddenly be afraid of loud noises, afraid to leave home, afraid to talk. These “disrupted states” are painful and set in motion a coping response. A child will use whatever coping skills they know.

When children know healthy coping, they will use them, because healthy gets their needs met: healthy stabilizes, reconnects, restores functioning. For example: when a child is listened to, when their feelings and experiences are validated, it helps them make sense of stress and trauma, it builds self-esteem and coping self-efficacy, and it promotes help-seeking and engagement. When their fear of leaving home is addressed, when they have breathing, grounding, distraction or other healthy coping skills with which to manage their anxiety, they are empowered to overcome their fears and able to engage with the world.

When a child does not know healthy coping, they are at risk for unhealthy coping and the consequences are severe. Unhealthy NEVER stabilizes, reconnects, or restores functioning. Unhealthy brings devastation to children’s’ lives and to those with whom they interact, whether family, friends, classmates, colleagues or strangers. Because stress and trauma set in motion a coping response, it is imperative that we equip our children with the healthy skills to manage their stress and recover from trauma.

Equipping Children with Healthy Coping

Healthy coping is learned behavior. It can be learned before, during or after a stress/trauma event. Healthy coping is comprised of skill types:

  • Soft skills: problem solving, self-control, emotional regulation, communication, help-seeking, collaboration

  • Hard skills: breathing, movement, nature, music, reading, writing

Children learn through observation (behavior modeled by others), informal and formal training. Partner with your child to practice healthy coping skills together. Learn how stress and trauma impact the mind, feelings and body. When a child can identify that they are stressed (muscles become tight, heart starts racing) , they can proactively begin a healthy coping response: breathing, grounding, and so forth. Practice ‘cope shifting’ - try one coping strategy - if that doesn’t work, “shift” to another coping skill - and keep “shifting” until you find one that helps.

How COPECARD Works

COPECARD™ cards are designed to enter a child’s life either before a stress/trauma event for coping skills training or during/after a stress trauma event for coping skills intervention.   The cards present core skills for managing stress and trauma symptoms with proven efficacy. 

For example, deep breathing can improve concentration (mind), decrease anxiety (feelings) and lower one’s respiratory rate (body).  This restores a sense of self-control to a child as they learn to “down-regulate” (calm their anxiety) on their own. It also increases social engagement (essential for asking for help) and improves thinking clarity (essential for problem solving).  These two skills, asking for help and problem solving, can save a child’s life amidst a crisis – and it can start with breathing : learning to activate their parasympathetic nervous system.

  • identify the skills on each card (see How It Works and COPEKIT Data Sheets for detailed information)

  • for intervention: use them for symptom management with your child, modeling the skill for them and then using it in parallel

  • for training:

    • practice the skills with your child when they are calm so they can concentrate in learning and remembering the strategies

    • keep the cards accessible : in the kitchen, in the car

    • take them to any activities that might be stressful or re-traumatizing for your child

    • look for opportunities to actively use the skills to cope, reinforcing the child’s capacity to implement and build “coping self-efficacy”

The skills are ALL low-resource - most of them are self-contained, only a few need paper and pencil/crayon/marker. This makes the skills easy to use, in any setting, by anyone.

The Coping Resource Landscape

Teaching children healthy coping is a multi-faceted journey. COPECARD provides core coping skills which equip a child with low-resource, highly efficacious skills while simultaneously serving as a catalyst for high-resource coping. Folding a Mini Bag or Cup can inspire children to study the aerodynamics of paper or perhaps become a physicist, like Robert Lang. Lang is a world renowned physicist, mathematician and origami artist who consults for NASA. Move Your Hands promotes movement as a coping skill which can inspire a child to use their hands to learn a musical instrument or play a sport. Help your child build a coping repertoire. Add simple coping tools like fidget toys, writing and drawing supplies, and sports equipment to the family “go bag”. Talk about how stress and trauma impact the MIND, FEELINGS and BODY. Normalize the stress response and equip them with healthy coping responses. Children are eager to learn healthy coping. Learn as a family.